


snake in the grass

by breakmystrings



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Power Imbalance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-19 20:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17608070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakmystrings/pseuds/breakmystrings
Summary: JT doesn’t back down, but his initial posturing wavers, which is fucking predictable.  He’s just another snake in the grass that lies in wait to take advantage of his prey; he cowers at the first sign of someone stronger.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the warnings/tags. Detailed warnings (with spoilers) at the end. This is my first dark fic in a while, and it was tagged [Sleazy JT](https://breakmystrings.tumblr.com/tagged/sleazy-jt) on my Tumblr, so that should tell you most of what you need to know about this fic.
> 
> The draft for this fic is done so the last part shouldn't be too long (depends on how much time I have to edit it).

Auston drops the last of his boxes onto the only empty space left on the floor of his new room, and that’s when Mitch chooses to make an appearance. He basically skips in and jumps onto his bed, stretching himself out on top of the covers with a contented little sigh, like _he_ was the one carrying heavy shit the entire afternoon and now deserves a rest. Auston gives him an unimpressed look, but it’s hard to maintain, not when he hasn’t seen Mitch all summer except for through Facetime. He looks so loose and happy right now, the way he always is whenever there’s no homework or exams. Mitch gives him his biggest smile and stretches his arms high above his head. He’s sprawled out so perfectly on Auston’s bed like he belongs there.

 

Auston feels his face warm at the thought of it, and he cuts off that line of thinking before it escalates (he really doesn’t need to be thinking about Mitch in his bed, stretched out so beautifully for him, with tousled hair and sleepy smiles).

 

“Thanks for helping,” Auston says sarcastically and he barely manages the eye-roll before he forces himself to look away from Mitch. He fiddles with an open box, the one with his Xbox and games, and when he glances back, Mitch has rolled over onto his side with his arm folded under his head. His smile is practically splitting his face while he looks at Auston. “You look way too happy for the first week of class.”

 

Mitch laughs but he doesn’t look away from Auston. “That’s because you’re back,” he says simply, like it’s just another fact of life. The sky is blue, water is wet, and having Auston around makes him happy. Auston wishes he had something in his hand that he could focus on, something to clench in his fist to stop himself from wanting to move closer, to push Mitch back onto the mattress and kiss the breath right out of him.

 

“And you finally moved out of your parents’ basement,” Auston teases because the alternative would be to do something about his ridiculous feelings for Mitch and that’s not an option.

 

Mitch makes a face at him, too exaggerated to be genuinely upset, and it makes Auston laugh at his faux outrage.

 

“Excuse you, I was living on the main floor in _style_. You’re just jealous I had home-cooked meals and the best mom that made sure I was well-fed and had clean clothes to wear, like you wouldn’t jump on the chance to live with your mom freshman year if you could.”

 

Touché.

 

“So how’d your first week alone go then? Now that you’re supposed to be all independent and an adult apparently.”

 

“Oh it went terribly. I set off the fire alarm twice making toast and had to drive my clothes home to get my mom to wash them for me since I couldn’t figure out how to use the machines here,” Mitch says shamelessly. He doesn’t sound the least bit embarrassed that he’s still a disaster when it comes to being an adult that’s supposed to know how to take care of himself. Auston relates a little too much.

 

“So nothing’s changed since I left for the summer?” Auston can’t help feeling pleased that he didn’t miss anything important that happened. Not that he wouldn’t have heard about it already anyway. They Facetime at least once a week and text pretty much every day. It also didn’t matter how late Mitch was out; he’d always text Auston a silly goodnight. There was one memorable night where he was completely sloshed and all Auston got was a string of smileys and sad faces to go with random letters that made absolutely no sense. Auston made sure to call him bright and early the next day, just to torture him a bit while he was surely hungover (Mitch just groaned and complained a lot about how much his head hurt; Auston _almost_ felt bad, just _almost_ ).

 

“No _pe_ ,” he says, popping the “p”. He rolls over onto his back again and sighs happily. “I think I like your bed a lot more than mine.”

 

_Then stay_. 

 

Auston bites his tongue and doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even _move_.

 

Mitch hums contently and tilts his head towards Auston again. “We should take a nap. We’ve earned it.”

 

Auston snorts. “You mean _I’ve_ earned it.”

 

“Hey, what are friends for?” Another smile, but this one is softer around the edges, and it hits Auston harder than before, like getting blindsided by a truck. “Nap with me.”

 

Auston doesn’t need to be asked twice. He stretches out next to Mitch, and he leaves just enough space between them that they’re close but not quite touching. Mitch has other ideas though and he rolls over until he’s basically laying on top of Auston.

 

“Mm… I missed this.”

 

_I missed_ you _._

 

Auston closes his eyes, his arms wrapped around Mitch like this is the way things should be, and he let’s himself have this, at least for now.

 

*

 

The first week of class is almost always a write-off. There’s so much catching up to do, with the parties and drinking, that by the time the second week rolls along and labs are starting, Auston’s already behind on his readings and the homework is piling up. Auston is so fucked.

 

“Aus, I’m home!” Mitch yells as he bursts through the front door. He’s barely gotten his shoes off before he’s throwing himself onto the couch near where Auston is sitting on the ground and working on the first of a million assignments that’s due by the end of the week.

 

“How was your lab?” Auston asks, half paying attention to Mitch, but mostly trying to figure out how to label this diagram of the human body. Google is not helping.

 

Mitch flops his head over the edge of the couch so that he’s pretty much looking up Auston’s nose. Auston doesn’t get how that’s comfortable, but Mitch will do what he wants.

 

“Oh my god Aus, my new TA is so hot!”

 

Auston snorts. “Your priorities man.” He clicks another link. Another bust. Fuck. “So much for Marty being your forever guy.”

 

“Fuck off,” Mitch says cheerfully with a smile. “Marty is like, special. He was a total snack. JT is more like comfort food, with all that scruff and effortless bed hair, and he’s got this really nice big nose. Super hot, in like, a pretty boring kind of way, but the nose kind of brings it altogether.”

 

Auston laughs. “You’ve got a nose fetish or what?”

 

Auston sees Mitch roll over onto his stomach out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t respond for a while. When Auston turns to look at him, he sees Mitch watching him with a thoughtful expression on his face.

 

“What can I say,” Mitch says after a while, “I’ve got a thing for nice noses.” He bops Auston’s nose with a bright smile and Auston feels his cheeks warm as he turns his attention back towards his assignment.

 

*

 

Auston’s nineteenth birthday creeps up on him and before he realizes it, it’s the night before and Mitch insists on starting the celebrations early with some pre-drinking at their place. There’s cheap vodka and rum and beer and someone even brought a bottle of wine that they have to drink from coffee mugs because they don’t have actual glasses. It feels silly, but it’s a lot of fun. It’s basically all of Auston’s favourite people in Toronto all gathered into one room. There’s Mo, and Freddie, and Willy, and Kappy, and Zach, and Brownie, and _Mitch_.

 

He loses count of how many shots he’s taken in the first ten minutes. Every time he thinks he’s done, there’s another glass pressed into his hand, and it just makes sense to knock it back and feel the burn in his throat. He laughs when Mitch stands up at midnight and gets the rest of the guys to sing happy birthday to him (Auston’s surprised the neighbours don’t complain about the atrocious screeching).

 

“Happy birthday to my best fucking friend in the entire _world_ ,” Mitch says while the rest of the guys cheer around them. Mitch is so fucking plastered already. Not that Auston has room to talk. He’s feeling pleasantly buzzed and giddy inside. He catches Mitch when he throws his arms around his neck to give him a big hug, and Auston stumbles with Mitch’s added weight, but he doesn’t let go, just keeps hugging Mitch and swaying with him as they both laugh. Mitch feels so nice and warm and _right_ in his arms, like he belongs there.

 

“Alright, time to head to the Cave,” Mo announces, and Mitch cheers loudly as he pulls away. Auston reaches out stupidly to try and pull Mitch back, but Mitch just giggles and pats his cheek gently.

 

“It’s time for Aus’ first legal drink at a bar!” Mitch cheers.

 

“More shots,” Willy adds. Mitch cheers again and high-fives him.

 

Auston can’t stop staring at Mitch’s flushed skin and beautiful smile. His cheeks are this beautiful shade of pink, his smile so wide that it’s practically splitting his face, and he keeps looking back for Auston when he pulls away, like he wants to make sure he’s still there. It makes Auston want to do something stupid like hide, just to see if Mitch will come after him.

 

He definitely needs another drink.

 

*

 

Once they get to the bar, Mitch announces to everyone that it’s Auston’s birthday. The bouncer that checks their ID, the first crowd of people they see, the waitresses as they walk past, and the bartender who looks politely amused when Mitch asks if he knows that it’s his best friend’s birthday; basically, he tells everyone and anyone that’ll listen (and even the ones that don’t). Mitch is so damn endearing when he gets excited. Auston may be biased, but he’s the fucking greatest, the _best_. Auston wants to wrap him up and make him his.

 

They get a table near the dance floor and Auston’s half-listening as Willy tells him all about the drama with his group project already. Zach is paying complete attention and nodding his head at all the right parts like the smitten fool that he is; Auston would laugh if he couldn’t sympathize. Mo and Freddie are talking about something that Auston can’t really follow so he just stops listening, for a while. He looks down at his drink, feeling pleasantly warm all over, and that’s when Mitch bumps into his shoulder with a smile. Auston smiles back, and then they’re caught in like, a staring contest where they’re allowed to blink and Auston feels like he’s winning because of how warm and full his chest is, like the happiness might burst from right out of him, just from having Mitch with him.

 

Mitch’s eyes light up when the song changes from something mellow to something more upbeat. Oh _no_.

 

“Aus, come dance!” Mitch grabs Auston’s hand and tugs. Auston resists, just to see Mitch’s exaggerated pout, and he laughs when Mitch doesn’t disappoint. “Don’t be lame _and_ boring! It’s your birthday!”

 

Auston squawks. “I’m not lame _or_ boring,” he protests, but when Mitch tugs again, he let’s himself be pulled along and follows Mitch who’s smiling triumphantly now.

 

The dancefloor is packed with bodies, and they squeeze through the crowd to a small space and start to sway to the beat of the music. He’s still got his drink in his hand and he downs it quickly before leaving the empty glass at a nearby table. When he turns his attention back to Mitch, he’s already busting out his favourite Fortnite moves and doing that weird thing with his hands that makes Auston laugh way too hard. It’s not hot or sexy but it’s so _Mitch_ and it’s impossible to not be endeared and drawn to him.

 

The music changes to something low and dirty, and Auston feels the air sucked right out of the club when Mitch steps closer to him and puts his hands on his hips. Mitch looks up at him like he’s the only person in the room, his eyes bright under the flashing lights, and Auston feels his mouth go dry when Mitch slides his tongue over his bottom lip until it’s beautifully slick. 

 

It would be so easy to just lean in and close the distance between them, to kiss Mitch the way he’s wanted to since their freshman year when he sat down beside Auston and introduced himself with that beautiful smile on his face, like this ray of sunshine in the gloom of Toronto. Mitch would let him too, Auston knows that, but he can’t make himself move. The distance between them is just a few breaths away, but the same thing that’s held him back for so long is still there, like an invisible barrier that he can’t cross, and Auston, he can’t do it. Mitch is too important to risk it. Auston would rather have him in his life forever, just the way they are now, than risk losing it all for something that might not last.

 

Mitch looks away after a while, but when he turns back, he’s got this soft little smile on his face, the private one that Auston gets to see when they’re alone, and Auston wants to bottle it up so that he won’t ever forget it. He looks completely understanding and patient, and his grip loosens around Auston, like he’s ready to give him all the space he insists on even if he doesn’t want it.

 

Auston steps forward when Mitch takes a step back, just drunk enough to be a little more reckless than usual. The alcohol makes him feel brave and stupid, and he puts his arms around Mitch’s shoulders and pulls him back in. He presses his forehead against Mitch’s and closes his eyes so that he doesn’t have to see the reaction on Mitch’s face.

 

“Keep dancing with me,” he says, and he starts to sway to the beat of their own music, the one he feels in his chest and not what they hear.

 

Mitch squeezes his hips after a moment. 

 

“Okay.”

 

*

 

Auston wakes up to the feeling of someone ramming a jackhammer into his skull, and he groans as he rolls over to press his face into his pillow. Maybe if he suffocated himself his head would hurt less. It certainly can’t be fucking worse than whatever is going on up there right now. He’s _never_ fucking drinking again.

 

He dozes for a while before finally forcing himself to get up. His room is so bright that it must be past noon, and when he looks over for his phone, he sees a tall glass of water and a bottle of Advil.

 

Oh thank _god_ for Mitch.

 

Auston tosses a couple pills into his mouth and gulps down the entire glass. He feels marginally more human when the meds kick in and he stumbles out of his room and towards the kitchen for more water. Mitch is already awake (not a surprise) and standing by the stove (definitely a surprise), squinting at whatever’s in the pan. He looks like a fucking mess, his hair sticking up all over the place, and there’re drool marks on his face.

 

Mitch jumps about three feet into the air when Auston plops down onto the stool by the island.

 

“Why are you awake? I was going to bring you breakfast in bed,” Mitch whines. His voice sounds absolutely fucked, probably from screaming all night, and Auston would be touched if he wasn’t in desperate need of some caffeine right now.

 

“ _Coffee_ ,” Auston grumbles as he drops his head onto the counter. Mitch ruffles his hair and Auston would bat it away if it didn’t feel so good. He must doze off again for a few minutes because when he opens his eyes again, Mitch’s hand is gone but there’s a plate of gimpy pancakes in front of him and the smell of sweet, _sweet_ coffee right at his fingertips. Auston takes a big sip and yelps when it scalds his tongue. He fans at it while Mitch laughs at him. “Fuck off.”

 

“Never,” Mitch says nonsensically, and he throws his arms around Auston to give him a hug. Mitch is such a great hugger. Auston curls his arms around him instinctively, and Mitch pushes his face into the crook of his neck. His skin feels soft and warm, and Auston presses his cheek into Mitch’s hair. The pain in his head eases, like all he needed was to have Mitch in his arms. “Happy birthday Aus.”

 

Auston smiles. “Thanks Mitchy.”

 

*

 

They fall into a routine together. They don’t have any of the same classes this year, but Auston will meet Mitch in the lab or the library between classes so that they can do their readings or homework together. It’s a nice routine, even if Mitch doesn’t stop talking about his new TA, JT, like he’s some kind of god’s gift to earth.

 

“Seriously, he’s incredible. He started a bonus study session for us on his own time because of how shitty the class is, and he’s always super helpful and smart and he knows so much about designing logic controllers. Like, he didn’t say it, but I’m pretty sure he’s got a job lined up with CSIS after he finishes his Ph.D.” Auston can practically see the stars in his eyes as he keeps talking about JT, his arms flailing wildly. “God, sometimes I wish _he_ taught the course instead of Lou. He’s so much better at explaining things and his diagrams actually make sense. He probably also knows how to use like, modern technology, instead of those handwritten ancient transparencies.”

 

“Uh huh.” Auston nods politely in all the right places. Mitch somehow always manages to get attached to at least one of his TAs in a semester and gets them to take him under their wing. Last year it was Marty before he transferred back to New York. This year it’s apparently going to be this hot computer whiz that Mitch can’t stop raving about. Auston has no clue how Mitch keeps picking up all these mentors and instantly becoming their favourites when Auston can barely keep track of all of his professors’ names, let alone his TAs.

 

“He actually makes me look forward to our labs,” Mitch says, sounding surprised himself. “Is that weird?”

 

“Yup,” Auston says without hesitation. “You’re a weird dude though.” Mitch makes this hilariously offended face, his mouth wide open and in shock.

 

“You’re an asshole.”

 

“And you’re a nerd.”

 

Mitch whacks him over the head with a cushion. Auston laughs and ducks his head when Mitch tries to hit him again. It escalates into a full-blown tussle that has them both breathless and panting next to each other on the ground, but they’re both laughing. Auston feels light and happy, and when he sees Mitch with a matching expression on his face, he can’t imagine being anywhere else but here.

 

*

 

Auston finally meets JT a month after classes start. He decided to stay late to wait for Mitch to finish his lab, and that’s when he bumps into JT who’s just cleaning up at the front of the room. At first glance, Auston’s impression is what a mousy dude. He’s not bad looking, but he’s just kind of, well, _there_. Nothing about him really stands out, not even the nose Mitch talked up so much. Mitch’s last TA Marty was definitely hotter. Even the way he talks, this deep mumble as he introduces himself to Auston when he walks into the lab; everything about him is so, well, _bland_ , if Auston’s being honest. He’s not sure he sees the charm Mitch does (and no, he’s not biased).

 

“Mitch is just wrapping up his testing,” JT says, and he points towards the middle of the room where Mitch is frowning at his computer.

 

“Thanks,” Auston says, and he walks over to Mitch’s desk. “You done?”

 

“Almost,” Mitch says without looking away from his screen, his lips pursed together. “I’m _so_ close, I just need to get this one part to work and then I’m done.”

 

Auston nods and pulls up a chair as he scrolls through his phone. He needs to answer some messages anyway, before his mom sends out that search party that she’s been threatening him with if he doesn’t start calling home more often.

 

“Hey JT, help?” Mitch yells. “I don’t know why this part isn’t working.”

 

Auston looks up when JT comes over. He leans over Mitch’s shoulder to look at his code, and it all sounds like gibberish to Auston, but when JT goes into this long explanation and even diagrams everything out for Mitch (weird-looking “Ds” and symbols), Auston starts to see the charisma that Mitch finds so attractive. Like, he has no clue what he’s talking about, but he _sounds_ like he knows his stuff, this quiet confidence as he goes through the steps, and Auston can see Mitch completely entranced by everything he says, holding onto his every word and nodding as he talks.

 

After JT finishes his explanation, Mitch turns back to the computer and starts typing furiously and suddenly Mitch is whooping and cheering as he high-fives JT with the biggest smile on his face, his eyes so bright and cheerful, and Auston would recognize the interest in JT’s expression a mile away.

 

Auston forces himself to look away.

 

*

 

Auston bombs his pop quiz and fails his biomech assignment, all in the same week like the rest of his classes aren’t kicking his ass enough. He’s so fucking done with the week and its only Monday. He stuffs his assignment as far down as it’ll go in his backpack and he throws himself onto the couch when he gets home. He screams into the pillow just to make himself feel better. Maybe if he screamed louder, that big fucking thirty will turn into an eighty. He can’t afford to fail this class.

 

He doesn’t know how long he’s been throwing himself this pity party when he hears the door open and Mitch’s voice carries through their apartment.

 

“Oh man Aus, JT took me to this coffee shop off campus, and it was fucking amazing. They had these little pastries that tasted like straight up butter and sugar. I’ll pick you some up next time I go,” Mitch says. He’s talking so fast that Auston can barely keep up, not that he can bring himself to caring about where JT takes Mitch in their spare time, no matter how delicious those pastries sound. “JT was giving me all this advice about what I should do this summer. Like, he said he can hook me up with a summer job if I wanted to, or there’s this week-long programming camp where a bunch of people get together to break code that he really liked when he was in undergrad. It sounded pretty sick.”

 

Auston is really, _really_ not in the mood to hear more about JT right now. He shoves his face into the pillow and he can still hear Mitch blabbing about JT this, JT that, while the cupboards and fridge open and close. He stops suddenly though and Auston feels the couch dip beside his hip a moment later.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Mitch’s voice is soft and his touch is gentle as he places his hand on Auston’s shoulder. It makes him feel better almost immediately, which just makes Auston feel even more pathetic about himself.

 

“I fucking hate biomech,” Auston says, which is a fucking lie. He doesn’t hate it. He just hates how hard he sucks in the class right now.

 

“Fuck biomech,” Mitch spits out, like the fact that it’s upsetting Auston is enough to piss him straight off. “You need ice cream or books right now?”

 

God, Auston can’t afford _not_ to pick books, but ice cream sounds really appealing right now.

 

When he doesn’t answer, Mitch stands up and Auston hears the fridge-door open and close again, and Mitch comes back less than a minute later. Auston jumps when he feels something cold press against his bare arm, and when he turns his head to glare at Mitch, he can’t bring himself to holding onto that annoyance, not when it’s Mitch and he’s brought his favourite double chocolate chip ice cream. Auston rolls over and grabs the carton and spoon from him, digging in right away.

 

“Alright, where’s your text book? We’re going to fucking ace this shit,” Mitch says, rubbing his hands together ridiculously. It puts a smile on Auston’s face anyway, and he points to his bag on the floor. Mitch digs through his backpack (if he sees the pathetic grade, he doesn’t say anything), and he pulls out his bigmech textbook. “What chapter are you on?”

 

“Four,” Auston says in-between bites. Mitch eyes his ice cream with enough interest in-between flipping through his textbook that Auston offers him a bite. His eyes light up and he takes the spoon from Auston, and he makes an obscene sound when he licks every last drop off of it. It’s so cliché, but something warm settles in his belly, and Auston has to look away from the way Mitch’s tongue slides over his lips.

 

“Okay, reading first or quiz?”

 

“Reading.” Auston steadfastly focuses back on his ice cream instead of the warmth that’s gathering low in his belly.

 

They spend the rest of the day alternating between reading different sections out loud with Mitch asking him practice questions to prepare him for his next quiz. By the end of it, Auston feels like the crushing weight on his shoulders has been lifted, and when he gets to his next assignment, he doesn’t feel like he’s completely clueless. He doesn’t have all the answers, but now he actually knows where to look, and Mitch smiles at him so proudly, like Auston just landed himself on the dean’s list instead of answered a simple question about mechanical stress. 

 

Auston can’t believe how lucky he is to have Mitch, can’t imagine what he’d do without him, and he’s so damn glad he doesn’t have to.

 

*

 

 

Midterms creep up on them and Mitch spends all of his time either studying in the computer lab or working on his controller for their midterm demo. Auston follows him to the lab to study, since it’s a nice quiet room with lots of table space next to the computer so Mitch gets to work while Auston can spread out his books and do his readings and problems. It’s easy to focus once he puts his earbuds in and blasts the music, and he likes to know that he has Mitch’s company beside him too, in case he needs a distraction.

 

Once in a while, JT pops by to check up on them to see how they’re doing. It’s not just Mitch he talks to. He talks to Brownie and some of the other guys in Mitch’s class, but Auston doesn’t miss the way he spends more time with Mitch than anyone else (and he’s pretty damn sure it’s not because Mitch is struggling; Auston knows he’s been nailing his quizzes and assignments). He doesn’t miss the way JT encroaches in Mitch’s space either, the way he’ll put a hand on his back as he leans in to see what Mitch is gesturing at on the screen, way closer than he needs to be.

 

Auston tries really hard not to pay attention to it. He hears enough about JT at home; he doesn’t need to witness it all in person too.

 

*

 

They survive the exams, and Auston feels pretty fucking great about biomech (thanks to Mitch’s help) and a whole bunch of them decide to go drinking to celebrate. Mitch forces him to take three shots in a row with him, and after another beer or two, Auston feels sufficiently warm and buzzed. Mitch is sticking close to his side, constantly bumping his shoulder and flashing him these big smiles, like he’s just so happy to have Auston there with him.

 

God, Auston could kiss him.

 

JT shows up later with some other grad-students. Mitch’s face visibly brightens when he sees him, his smile lighting up his entire face with how big it is. Auston watches as he walks over to JT and gives him a one-armed hug. His drink sloshes onto the ground with how unsteady he is on his feet and he laughs when he realizes what he’s done. JT laughs with him and he puts an arm around Mitch’s shoulder, like he’s trying to steady him. JT leans in close, _too_ close, and says something into Mitch’s ear. Whatever it is, it makes Mitch laugh out loud, the kind of laugh where he throws his head back and practically shakes with it. He sways closer to JT, until his side is basically pressed right up against JT’s front, and he doesn’t stop smiling the whole time he chats with JT.

 

Auston can’t look away. Something hot and ugly twists in his gut, and he hates himself for feeling that way. He doesn’t like the way JT pushes into Mitch’s space, doesn’t like the way he touches him like he belongs to him.

 

“Come on,” Willy says as he puts his arm around his shoulders, “I’ll buy you a drink.” He’s almost looking at Auston with pity in his eyes as he pulls him away from where he was watching Mitch, which is so fucking unnecessary, but Auston will take the free drink.

 

“Make it a double,” he says.

 

Willy rolls his eyes but doesn’t say no. Auston looks back over to where Mitch is, and when they make eye contact, he waves him over. Auston’s not proud of himself for pulling that shit, but he’s drunk enough to let the irrationaljealousy and _want_ take over. He doesn’t care about the what’s and how’s and why’s; he just doesn’t want Mitch leaning into JT’s side right now. 

 

Mitch turn to say something to JT and it feels like it takes forever before he’s coming back towards Auston.

 

“What’s up?” Mitch asks and the alcohol makes him brave enough to put his arm around Mitch to pull him in close to his side. Mitch comes easily, and he slides his arm around Auston’s waist like it belongs there.

 

“Willy’s buying,” Auston says instead of the hundred other things he’s thinking about right now. Like how nice Mitch smells. Or how nicely he fits into Auston’s arms, like the right puzzle piece being snapped into place by his side. Or how Auston can’t take his eyes off of him even if he tried, completely and utterly drawn to Mitch’s everything, like he’s the center of Auston’s universe that he revolves around.

 

Mitch cheers loudly about the free drink while Willy squawks in disagreement.

 

“I said one drink!”

 

Auston laughs when Mitch says too bad and proceeds to order an overly complicated drink with an umbrella and cherry on top. It’s so over the top but also so _Mitch_ that it makes Auston smile. 

 

It never seems to matter who else is in the picture; Mitch is always going to be Auston’s number one, and he’s pretty damn sure it’s the same for Mitch.

 

He doesn’t look back to see if JT is watching.

 

*

 

Auston knows they’re solidly into the semester when his life has been reduced to basically class, homework, studying, eating, and sleeping. He barely has time to remember to text his mom so that she knows that he’s still alive (something that she guilts him about repeatedly when he _does_ remember).

 

He’s been swamped with readings and problem-solving that he crashes early for once without waiting for Mitch to get home, but he startles awake when he feels someone climb into his bed.

 

“Mitch?” Auston yawns and reaches out until he feels Mitch’s warm body making himself comfortable next to Auston.

 

“Sorry,” Mitch says, and he sounds off as he tucks himself right up against Auston’s side. “Can I sleep here tonight?” 

 

Auston doesn’t know why he bothered asking when he’s already got one arm wrapped tight around Auston’s stomach and his cheek pressed right over his heart. It’s not a regular thing, them sharing a bed, but it’s happened enough times that it no longer surprises Auston when they do. It goes back to freshman year, and it usually happens when Auston feels homesick or one of them feels down about shit that’s happening around them. Mitch is usually the one that initiates it, even if Auston is the one that’s down in the dumps, so Auston doesn’t think much of it as he shifts around for a more comfortable position (it was getting kind of hard to breathe with the way Mitch was resting his weight on top of him).

 

“s’ late,” Auston says, and he reaches up to slide his fingers through Mitch’s damp hair. This close, Auston can smell the Old Spice bodywash that Mitch loves and the pine-scented shampoo that Auston now associates with Mitch. Auston can’t help but press his nose into his hair to breathe him in. It settles something inside of Auston, like the feeling of coming home. “Where’d you go?”

 

“Lab,” Mitch mutters and he doesn’t elaborate after that. Auston knows that his lab should’ve finished at nine, and it’s… much later than nine now. He definitely wasn’t thinking about Mitch staying late with JT, and whether he was helping Mitch with his lab work or with _other_ things. It’s none of Auston’s business anyway. He doesn’t own Mitch. If Mitch wants to tell him, he will.

 

“Did you finish?” He asks instead.

 

Mitch shakes his head and presses his face into Auston’s neck. “Naw… got stuck in a loop. Have to go in tomorrow to fix it.”

 

Auston doesn’t pretend to get what exactly Mitch does in his labs, apart from write a bunch of code to get his controller to do stuff, so he just makes a humming sound so that Mitch knows that he’s listening.

 

“You’ll get it,” Auston says, and he resists the urge to press a kiss on top of his head. “If not, I’m sure JT’s got your back.”

 

Mitch tenses minutely, this quick little thing that comes and goes almost before Auston realizes what happened. And if they weren’t pressed so close together, he probably wouldn’t have noticed anything at all.

 

“Mitchy?”

 

“Can we just… sleep?” Mitch practically pleads, and if Auston wasn’t worried before, he definitely is now. “I’m tired and I just… I’m tired.”

 

Auston wants to push, but he’s not even sure what he’s pushing for. Mitch could really just be tired, exhausted from a long day of lectures and labs and endless assignments that they can never finish. Every fibre of Auston’s being screams at him that that’s not the case though, that he can tell the difference before a tired Mitch and a Mitch that’s, well, whatever the fuck he is right now, this small fragile thing that Auston just wants to wrap up and protect.

 

Except Mitch isn’t looking at Auston, he’s avoiding him in every possible way even if there’s no space left between them, and Auston might not be able to see his face, but he’d have to be an asshole not to notice that whatever’s bothering him, he really, _really_ doesn’t want to talk about it.

 

“Okay,” Auston says eventually, and it’s the right thing to say because Mitch noticeably relaxes in his hold. “’night Mitchy.”

 

“‘night Aus.”

 

Auston gives Mitch another squeeze and he tries really hard to ignore the pang in his chest at the sound of Mitch’s shaky breaths as he struggles to fall asleep, the way he clings onto Auston like he’s this shield that’ll protect him.


	2. Chapter 2

Mitch is quiet the next morning, but Auston gets a smile out of him when he makes him his coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar, so Auston will take what he can get. He’s not talking about what’s wrong, but Auston can wait him out. They eat their cereal together in relative silence and he packs up his books to go study on campus with Mitch. He doesn’t technically have to get up so early since he only has afternoon classes, but Mitch needs to go in early to work on his lab, and he’s pretty sure if he let him go alone, Auston would just spend the whole time wanting to check up on him so he may as well just follow.

 

Once they get there, Mitch frowns a lot at his controller and prods at the board, like that’ll get it to do what he wants it to. Auston sneaks a couple glances at him in-between working on his own assignments, and Mitch keeps making faces at the computer, his eyes scanning the code and then leaning over his board to poke at the buttons.

 

“Still not working?” Auston asks, and Mitch groans dramatically as he drops his head onto the table.

 

“The blinky light shouldn’t be blinding so much,” Mitch complains. Auston tries not to laugh when Mitch pouts exaggeratedly at him. He pats Mitch on the head and drags the board closer to him. He has no clue what it’s supposed to be doing, but there’s a set of five lights that are blinking non-stop with buttons underneath all of them.

 

“What’s this supposed to do?” Auston presses one of the buttons and the lights go haywire; they’re blinking so fast that Auston’s legitimately worried that they’re either going to burn out or he’s going to go blind watching it.

 

“Traffic controller,” Mitch mutters. “When you hit the button on the bottom, it’s supposed to trigger the walk light.”

 

“Uh…” Auston pokes it again and all the lights turn on now and stay on. “I think your pedestrian just got ran over.”

 

Mitch snorts, fighting off a laugh, and he looks up to try and give Auston an unimpressed look. “Not funny,” he says with a hint of a whine in his voice. He’s trying really hard (and failing) to fight off the smile.

 

Auston presses another button and the lights start cycling through in sequence. Mitch’s eyes light up but he squawks when Auston pushes another button and all the lights start flashing again.

 

“Ugh!” Mitch slaps his hand away. “Stop that! You’re making it worse!” His voice goes high-pitched at the end, this whine that makes Auston laugh, and Auston presses all the buttons in a row, just because. Mitch shoves him, which just makes Auston laugh again. “You’re such an asshole!” The lights go haywire and Auston can’t stop laughing. It gets Mitch going too, and it just, it sounds so, _so_ good to hear him laugh right now. It sounds stupid even in Auston’s head, but he feels like his breath is taken away from him right now. Mitch looks loose and happy again, like whatever was bothering him is finally put behind him and he looks more like the Mitch that Auston’s used to. It makes his chest feel just as warm and full as before.

 

“Whoops.” Auston is smiling stupidly wide now, but that’s okay because Mitch is too and it’s worth looking dumb if it makes Mitch happy.

 

Mitch sticks his tongue out and scrunches up his face at him, but he’s smiling as he goes back to his code and Auston does the same. A companionable silence settles between them, and Auston plugs his earbuds in and turns his music back on. It’s easy to focus on his assignment in front of him while Mitch troubleshoots his code next to him. It feels comfortable, just having him there, and he doesn’t realize how much time passes before he feels Mitch tense beside him. Auston looks up and sees Brownie walk in with his laptop in his arm. He gives him a nod and Brownie waves at him in return. He frowns when he looks over at Mitch though, who’s completely ignoring him like he didn’t notice him walk in, like Auston couldn’t _feel_ him react.

 

Auston tugs his earbuds out when he sees Brownie get settled at the computer furthest away from them, even though the lab is mostly empty. He’s about to say something to Mitch when JT walks in and Auston’s jaw snaps shut when he sees the way Mitch visibly shrinks in his seat. Something unpleasant twists in his gut at the sight.

 

“Still working on the traffic controller?” JT asks as he walks past.

 

“Yeah,” Mitch mutters quietly.

 

“Need help?”

 

Mitch shakes his head. “I’ll figure it out,” he says, and he gives JT a tight smile that’s about as real as Willy’s claim that he doesn’t shape his brows. Auston doesn’t miss the way he inches closer towards Auston, this subtle little movement that Auston probably wouldn’t have noticed any other day if Mitch wasn’t already so on-edge. “Thanks though.”

 

“Let me know if you need a hand.” JT steps out after that. 

 

Auston’s not really sure what’s happening, but Mitch doesn’t look at him afterwards. It feels so deliberate that Auston knows that it’s not nothing. He can’t explain the feeling he has right now, doesn’t understand what exactly it is, but when he looks over at Mitch and sees the way he’s staring resolutely at the screen and nowhere else; the dread claws its way inside of him and roots itself so deep that it makes him feel sick and uncomfortable.

 

*

 

Auston doesn’t realize how much Mitch talked about JT until he suddenly doesn’t hear a single word about him anymore. He doesn’t act any differently when they’re around other people, still laughs and smiles and jokes around with the other guys, but every night, he’ll crawl into bed with Auston and cling onto him like he’s a lifeline. Auston doesn’t ask any questions. He convinces himself that Mitch is probably just stressed, like the rest of them, and this is how he gets his comfort. Auston gets it. When he was stressed out in first year, he ate a lot of ice cream and worked out a lot to burn it off. It didn’t make him feel as good as a hug from Mitch, but it definitely made him feel less guilty about seeking it out.

 

Sometimes though, Auston will catch Mitch zoning out in the middle of something. Like, he’ll be typing furiously one second, and the next, he’ll be looking off to the side with his hands just suspended in the air and his expression completely blanked out. Or the time they were eating dinner and Mitch just stared blankly at his empty plate for over a minute before he snapped out of it and reached for another slice of pizza. It’s obvious now that whatever was bothering him before still hasn’t gone away, but Auston doesn’t want to ask because Mitch will tell him whenever he wants to. Auston shouldn’t push.

 

He runs into Brownie at Tims during a break between classes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days, his eyes squinting hard at Auston, and he’d chirp him if he didn’t feel the exact same. Uni is a soul sucker.

 

“God, it felt like we got two seconds to breathe after midterms and now it’s already time for finals,” Brownie complains once they’ve gotten their coffees and grabbed a table near the back corner. “You know what one of my prof’s said? ‘This is just theoretical; the real world is going to be different so this isn’t going to work.’ Like, what the fuck are we even here for?”

 

Auston snorts. “At least they’re honest.” Sometimes, he wonders the same thing, if half the stuff he’s learning right now will even be relevant when he’s done, but going down that path leads to madness and biomech is driving him crazy enough as is.

 

Brownie rolls his eyes and continues to grumble under his breath, too quietly for Auston to catch what he’s saying. He lifts the lid off his cup and blows on it, like that’ll help it cool down faster. Or maybe he’s just trying to inhale the coffee through his nose instead. “Not to mention VHDL is murdering my brain.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve heard,” Auston says, thinking back to when Mitch complained a lot about how difficult the course was, how the grading was basically binary and partial marks were nonexistent. He hasn’t talked about it much lately though.

 

Auston takes a sip of his coffee. It’s still too hot, but not burning-his-tongue hot, so he calls it a win. He takes another sip and sighs happily. The conversation is pretty much dead while they both focus on their coffees. Brownie’s completely transfixed by it, just staring and not even drinking it. Auston’s not sure how long they stay like that, but he’s more than half-way through his extra-large double-double when Brownie asks, “How’s Mitchy doing?”

 

“He’s fine,” Auston says slowly, _carefully_ , after a pause. “Don’t you see him every day in class?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Auston waits to see if Brownie elaborates, but he shrugs and that’s it.

 

*

 

Mitch smiles when he comes home from class, chirps Auston when they take breaks to play chel, eats dinner like if he stopped to breathe someone would come take it away, but he still falls asleep in Auston’s bed every night with his arms wrapped desperately around him. It’s like he’s okay, but he’s not. Like they’re everything Auston’s wanted, Mitch being so close to him and happy again, but that unpleasant twist in his gut persists, and Auston wishes he understood why.

 

*

 

It's an innocuous day when Mitch nearly burns down the apartment by zoning out while he’s trying to boil water for KD and the pot goes dry and black and smoking and Auston has to rush over to shut it off and throw it into the sink before all the alarms go off. Mitch looks absolutely horrified when he realizes what happened, and he’s looking at Auston with wide-eyes and the corners of his mouth sunk down. He looks so upset and unhappy, and it’s almost enough for Auston to let it go, and he’s just about to say it’s fine, but it’s really not, and Auston wants to know what it is so that he can try to fix it.

 

“I’m sorry,” Mitch says when Auston asks him what’s wrong with him lately. “My head is just, classes are a mess, you know?”

 

“We both know that’s not it,” Auston says, because it’s true. They survived their first year together, and he’s seen Mitch’s meltdowns because of class and this isn’t it. Mitch looks, he looks lost, and sometimes he’s so caught up in his own head that it takes Auston multiple tries to get his attention. Mitch never falls that deep into his own head, like he’s trapped in his own mind. The Mitch that Auston knows never throws his shields up, but now the walls are as tall as ten feet high whenever he’s near people he doesn’t know. The Mitch that Auston knows opens his heart up recklessly for each and every person that approaches. It’s one of Auston’s favourite things about him, how big his heart is and how he’ll always make room for new and old people. Auston can only see shades of that in Mitch now, like someone’s put a lampshade over him and dimmed his normally radiant light.

 

Mitch looks down at his hands. He’s clinging onto the edge of the counter like it’s his lifeline, his knuckles almost white from the strength of his grip. It’s so quiet that Auston could hear a pin drop and he’s not sure how much time passes before Mitch exhales, his breaths shaking when he looks up to meet Auston’s eyes.

 

“JT invited me over to his place a couple of weeks ago,” Mitch says. Auston nods, not really sure where this is going since Mitch and JT hang out outside of class all the time. “I thought we were just going to talk, like I’ve been over before to hang out and watch the game and stuff, and I tell him everything. Like, he’s always there to offer me advice. I, I looked up to him, I thought he was like a big brother, like Marty.” Mitch pauses and sucks in a huge breath. “Except, that’s not what he thought, not at all, and –“ Mitch’s voice breaks off, like he suddenly forgot how to breathe, and now he’s trying to suck in air while underwater. 

 

It takes Auston a second to get it, to understand where Mitch is going, and when he sees Mitch’s broken and raw expression, the pure distraught on his face; the cold dread fills him up as the pieces finally fall into place. Auston’s expecting the worst at this point, but that still doesn’t prepare him for the way Mitch’s voice cracks as he whispers quietly, “I, I fucked up.”

 

Auston’s going to be sick.

 

*

 

There’s a cup of tea in Auston’s hands. He doesn’t know where it came from, doesn’t know how _Mitch_ could even be thinking about Auston right now instead of himself. Auston feels like he’s getting whiplash from the way he keeps flip-flopping between unbridled anger and abject horror, and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say or do to make Mitch feel better. He imagines storming over to JT’s apartment and breaking his face in, but he knows that won’t make Mitch feel better and it’d probably make it worse.

 

“It is what it is,” Mitch says, and he shrugs, like it’s not a big deal. Auston feels his heart shatter into a million pieces for him. “I mean, it was bound to come back to bite me right?” He smiles, but it’s forced and sad and Auston just wants Mitch to stop. He would rather Mitch scream and yell and cry than to force himself into pretending he’s okay when he really isn’t. It feels like defeat, like a small part of Mitch is broken beyond repair, and Auston doesn’t know what to do to help him piece it back together. “Brownie always used to tell me that I was too trusting and naïve.”

 

“This isn’t your fault,” Auston says, completely horrified, and the fact that it even needs to be said at all makes him sick to the stomach. “You, you did absolutely _nothing_ wrong.”

 

Mitch shrugs again, like they’re debating whether the PS4 or Xbox is superior and they’re agreeing to disagree. Auston wants to fucking _throttle_ JT for doing this to Mitch. He has to clench his fists by his sides to help calm that anger enough to not lash out at Mitch by accident.

 

“Mitch, you’ve got to know, _he_ is the one that fucked you up. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. You trusted him and he took that trust and he, he broke it in the worst way. This is _not_ your fault.”

 

Mitch doesn’t say anything. He looks down at his hands and he picks at his nails even if there’s nothing left for him to tear off. When Auston sees a bead of red, he reaches out without thinking to stop Mitch with his hand, and Mitch looks up at him, his eyes wide and alarmed and his lips quiver as he sucks in a deep breath. 

 

Auston’s just about to pull his hand back, thinking he fucked up, when Mitch whispers, “Can I, can I get a hug?” His voice is so quiet that Auston barely hears him.

 

Auston immediately closes the distance between them and pulls Mitch right into his arms. Mitch clings onto him tightly as he buries his face into his chest. He’s shaking, his entire body trembling in Auston’s arms, and his breaths are coming in like gasps. Auston holds him extra tight, like that’ll stop him from flying apart. He feels completely useless, but he can at least do this for Mitch.

 

“I’ve got you. I’ll always get you.”

 

Mitch lets out a broken sob as he pushes his face into Auston’s neck and says nothing else.

 

Auston doesn’t let go.

 

*

 

They go to bed together again, which has become the norm., and Auston doesn’t know if it’s him or Mitch that doesn’t want to let go, but he holds on until there’s no space left between them, until he can no longer separate where he starts and where Mitch ends, like that’ll let him share the weight that’s crushing Mitch right now.

 

*

 

Auston waits until the weekend is almost over before he finally asks, “What do you want to do?”

 

Mitch looks up from where he’s scribbling something down onto a piece of paper. Auston’s not sure what class he’s working on, but it has a lot of complicated formulas and equations that makes Auston’s head hurt. “Well, right now I’m working on calculus,” he says with a crooked smile that Auston normally finds endlessly endearing, except seeing it now, it just looks like a cover.

 

“I mean with VHDL,” he says, and just saying it makes JT’s face pop up in Auston’s head and the anger flares up from nothing and intensifies when he sees the way Mitch tenses up before relaxing again. He continues to scribble on his paper, but Auston can see the way his hands are no longer as steady and calm as before.

 

“Well, I still have to pass the class. Can’t drop it,” he says, like it’s as simple as that.

 

“Are you going to tell your prof?”

 

Mitch looks up at Auston like he’s grown two heads and has a foot for a nose.

 

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” he says, and there’s something so final in his tone that Auston can’t find the words to argue. “It happened, I can’t change it, that’s it. It’s not going to fix anything even if I say something.”

 

“I can go beat him up.”

 

Mitch gives Auston such an unimpressed look that he’s surprised he doesn’t just vaporize on the spot.

 

“That’s to make you feel better, not me,” he says bluntly, and Auston immediately feels his face go hot with shame. His stomach feels queasy and he doesn’t know what his face is showing, but it must not be good because Mitch’s face softens and he suddenly remembers all the articles and stuff he read about how to deal with a situation like this, and the last thing Mitch needs is to hear Auston tell him what he thinks is best or how to deal with his own trauma.

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll support you with whatever decision you make.”

 

“Thank you.” Mitch leans over and gives Auston an awkward one-armed hug. “Thank you for being such a great friend.”

 

“You deserve people that treat you well.” Auston would give Mitch the entire world if that’s what he wanted, and that’s when it reminds him of his last conversation with Brownie. He doesn’t want to upset Mitch, but he figures Mitch deserves to know. “I think Brownie knows.”

 

“He saw us coming back from his place,” Mitch says, and he’s not looking up at Auston anymore. “He always made comments about how JT gave him bad vibes. Guess he was right.”

 

Auston doesn’t know what’s worse: Mitch trying too hard to pretend he’s okay even though Auston catches him blanked out and trapped in his own thoughts all the time still, like he’s seconds away from flying apart, or the way he makes comments that tell Auston that a part of him thinks he did something wrong or that he allowed this to happen.

 

“Mitch,” Auston calls out softly, and he waits until Mitch looks up to make eye contact before he continues, “this wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

Mitch’s response comes by way of a weak smile, this sad little thing that breaks Auston’s heart even more.

 

“You should talk to Brownie,” Auston says, because he doesn’t know what else to do. “He looks worried.”

 

Mitch is quiet for a moment but he nods eventually. That’s a start.

 

*

 

Auston spends the next day debating whether he should follow Mitch to class, but even he realizes that’d be going too far. Mitch assures him that he’ll be fine, that he _has_ been fine for the last couple of weeks before he told Auston what happened. It doesn’t really help though, and he finds himself distracted during his own lectures and when he looks down at his notebook, there’s nothing but a blank sheet staring back at him.

 

He gets a text later that day while he’s sitting in the library and definitely not studying from Brownie that says “thanks” and that’s how he knows Mitch talked to Brownie. Auston scrambles to text back a response right away.

 

_look out for him in class for me_

 

_duh_

 

The knot in Auston’s throat eases and he releases the breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding onto.

 

*

 

Their routine stays the same, with Auston meeting up with Mitch to study together in-between breaks, but now he added “escorting Mitch to and from his lab” to his Thursday evenings. Mitch looks like he wants to protest, but Auston doesn’t miss the way his shoulders sag in relief when Auston insists. 

 

When they get there, Auston has to clench his fists and dig his nails into the palms of his hands to calm the visceral anger he feels at the sight of JT. He doesn’t even notice them, his attention still focused on his screen while the rest of the students trickle in, and Auston doesn’t even realize he’d taken a step forward until Mitch grabs his wrist to stop him from, from doing _something_ , to make JT hurt as much as he did to Mitch and _more_.

 

“Hey,” Mitch says, squeezing Auston hard enough to bruise. “I’m okay.”

 

Auston wants to scream back that no, he’s not okay. His shoulders are tense and his breaths are coming in short as he looks up at Auston. His eyes are wide and he looks terrified, but he’s trying so hard to put on a front to be strong. Auston can feel his hand shaking, subtle as it is, and Auston hates it. He hates that he can’t do anything for Mitch, but he remembers what he said to him, and it reminds him that this isn’t about what Auston thinks or wants. It’s not about doing what makes _Auston_ feel better. It’s about Mitch and listening to him and even if he’s lying to himself, he’s _trying_ and Auston needs to let him work through it on his own, even if he desperately wants to help.

 

Auston sucks in a deep breath and when he exhales, he feels the anger drain out of him.

 

“Okay, I’ll wait for you out here,” Auston says. Mitch smiles slightly in appreciation, and he lets go of Auston’s wrist and walks in. Brownie waves at him and pats the seat next to him that’s against the wall, like he’s going to form a protective barrier around Mitch. Auston is so, _so_ glad that Mitch talked to Brownie, and he gives Auston a thumbs up once Mitch is settled beside him.

 

Auston waits until the door is finally closed before he forces himself to look away.

 

*

 

Auston’s parents start harassing him about when he’s coming back for the holidays and Auston deflects by saying the schedule hasn’t come out yet, which is a lie. He’s got all the dates for his classes, and even though it’s basically the worst schedule in the world, it gives him almost three weeks off for Christmas to see his family and he knows his parents will be ecstatic about it. Except he hesitates with booking his flights, because he doesn’t know if he wants to leave Mitch on his own right now. He’s been putting on an incredible front when they’re with their friends, but once they get home, it’s like a switch has been flipped and Mitch gets quiet and trapped in his own head. He doesn’t talk to Auston nearly as much as he used to, barely even cracks a smile when he finds the Skittles that Auston strategically placed around their apartment to surprise Mitch. He reminds Auston of an elastic band that’s been pulled too tight and at any moment, he’s going to snap and break. Auston’s basically waiting for it to happen, helpless to stop it. He just doesn’t expect it to be triggered by something as small as there being no clean glasses left when Mitch went to the kitchen to grab a drink.

 

One second, Mitch is yelling at Auston about not washing the dishes after using the last cup, and the next, he’s on the ground with his legs drawn up to his chest and his face buried into his knees while he breaks apart.

 

Auston has no fucking idea what to do.

 

“Mitch…” He crouches down in front of him. He wants to reach out to touch him, but he’s not sure that’s what Mitch needs right now.

 

“I’m fine,” Mitch says through hiccupping sobs. “I’m okay.”

 

“No, you’re not okay!” Auston snaps, and he instantly regrets it as the guilt floods him. “You’re not okay,” he says in a much gentler voice. “It’s okay that you’re not.”

 

“I _have_ to be,” Mitch sobs, his voice cracking. He’s still not looking at Auston, and he really wants him to hear this, really needs him to understand. He tugs gently on Mitch’s arm, slow enough that he can stop him if he needs to, and he carefully tilts Mitch’s head up. His face is red and blotchy, and his eyes are brimming with unshed tears. Auston’s heart aches at the sight of him.

 

“You don’t have to be _anything_. If you’re sad, be sad. If you’re angry, be angry. You don’t owe anyone anything. It’s okay to _not_ be okay.”

 

Mitch bites his lips and sucks in a huge shuddery breath, and suddenly the dam breaks and the tears fall. Auston carefully pulls him into his arms and he feels Mitch cling desperately onto the back of his shirt and he buries his face into his chest. Auston hushes him gently and lets him cry it out until the tears run out and tension finally bleeds out of him.

 

Auston’s not delusional enough to think this will fix anything, but it feels like a small step forward at least. Baby steps.

 

*

 

Auston asks Mitch what he needs from him, what Auston can do to help, and his answer is simple. “Can we stay like this? You and me?” His voice is heartbreakingly hopeful. Auston doesn’t know why he thought anything would change between them, but he nods his head.

 

“I promise.”

 

*

 

The weeks leading up to finals for Auston can be summarized with class, studying, homework, and Mitch. Every hour that they’re not in class, Auston is with Mitch at the library or the lab so that they can study together, or they’re in what Auston’s starting to refer to as _their_ bed, the one Mitch likes more than his own, because he hasn’t gone back to sleep in his own room after that night. Mitch has his ups and downs, but sometimes, Auston actually gets a real smile out of him by doing something as simple as showing him a silly meme. There are also times where he gets quiet and closed-off despite Auston’s best efforts to make a fool of himself to get Mitch to laugh, but Auston doesn’t try to force it.

 

Again, baby steps.

 

Auston’s finals are done before Mitch’s, but he stays behind in Toronto for a few extra days. Auston’s not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse that Mitch’s lab exam is his last one, but Auston stays with him so that he doesn’t have to deal with it alone.

 

He walks Mitch to his exam, just like how he’s done for all his labs before this, and he tries his hardest to ignore the presence of JT so that he can focus on Mitch instead. “You’re going to ace this, and then we’ll go celebrate together,” Auston says with a smile.

 

Mitch holds out his fist to bump with Auston’s. “Nachos on you.”

 

Auston laughs softly. “Yeah, whatever you want.” He squeezes Mitch’s shoulder encouragingly. “I’ll wait for you out here.” 

 

Mitch nods. He takes a deep breath, and when he exhales, he’s smiling too. “Thanks Aus.”

 

Auston watches him walk in, his steps a lot surer than they were a few weeks ago, and Auston doesn’t miss the way he gives JT nothing more than a fleeting glance. He takes a seat in front of a computer beside Brownie and Auston can see the determination in his face. Auston is in awe of his strength and courage, the way he’s pushing forward even when no one would blame him if he stumbled and took a step back.

 

Two and a half hours later, Mitch is one of the first people to walk out, and he sucks in a deep shaky breath before he gives Auston the peace sign.

 

“Fucking nailed it,” he says breathlessly. Auston cheers, maybe a little too loudly because someone in Mitch’s class definitely gives him a dirty look, but it’s worth it for the soft laugh he’s rewarded with from Mitch, and he throws an arm around Mitch’s shoulders as he leads him away. Mitch relaxes even more under his touch, his shoulders sagging like the weight has finally been lifted off of him.

 

*

 

Auston makes up an excuse about how he needs to talk to one of his professors so that he can leave Mitch with Brownie and them to celebrate the end of their finals. He heads to the comp sci building and waits for JT outside. It’s late enough that there aren’t too many people walking around, and if JT’s surprised to see him there waiting for him, he hides it pretty well. He walks up to Auston with all the confidence of a predator, and Auston feels the bile rise in his throat as he’s reminded of what he’d done. He shoves his hands into his pockets so that he doesn’t do something he’ll enjoy immensely but would upset Mitch if he did.

 

“Hey,” JT says. “I don’t know where Mitch is, if you’re looking for him.”

 

It’s the way he says it, this little smirk playing on his lips, like this is some kind of game, that makes Auston’s blood fucking boil and it takes all of his willpower not to punch him right in his smug fucking face.

 

Auston steps right up into his space instead. JT doesn’t back down, but his initial posturing wavers, which is fucking predictable. He’s just another snake in the grass that lies in wait to take advantage of his prey; he cowers at the first sign of someone stronger. “I know what you did to Mitch,” he says simply.

 

JT looks back at him like, so? As if nothing of importance happened. Like he didn’t break Mitch and leave the pieces for him to put back together on his own. Auston wants to fucking rip him apart with his bare hands.

 

“I know you got a job with CSIS,” Auston says as calmly as he can, even if the anger is making his insides flare up. JT locks his jaw and his eyes harden at Auston. Auston did his research. He knows CSIS jobs aren’t supposed to be advertised or talked about, and he knows by the look on JT’s face right now that _Auston’s_ not supposed to know.

 

Auston takes another step closer, and that forces JT to take one back. “If I ever see or _hear_ you come near Mitch again, or pull any of the kind of shit like you did to Mitch to anyone else…” Auston pauses intentionally just to watch JT shift uncomfortably. “Well, I’m sure the government will be fucking ecstatic to hear what kind of predator their newest analyst is. I’m sure they’d love to hear how you used this new fancy job of yours to take advantage of your student.”

 

It’s a bluff. There’s no way Auston would ever betray Mitch’s trust like that, not when he’s just finished collecting the pieces and put them back together. It’s still too fragile right now, like a puff of air could shatter everything he’s done to move forward again. Auston would never do anything that’ll hurt Mitch. But JT doesn’t know that, and judging by the way the panic fills his eyes before he manages to pull himself back together, Auston can tell he’s got him and he’s shaken.

 

“Never show your fucking face in front of us again.”

 

Auston intentionally takes a big step forward and slams his shoulder hard enough into JT as he walks past to make him fall. He doesn’t see it but he can hear the sound of him hitting the ground hard.

 

Auston doesn’t look back.

 

*

 

Auston’s flight home is early in the morning. Mitch insists on dropping Auston off with his parents’ car, and it gives them a few extra minutes together. Auston can’t remember the last time he dreaded going home this much, whether it was from Toronto or vacations; he’s never _not_ wanted to go home this badly before. Especially not when the holidays are right around the corner.

 

“You’re going to miss your flight,” Mitch says with a gentle smile when Auston lingers. “You know how the security lines go.”

 

Auston could care less about that right now.

 

“If you need _anything_ ,” Auston says, “you know you can call me whenever. Doesn’t matter what time.”

 

“I know.” Mitch leans over the console to give Auston a hug. Auston squeezes back extra hard. He doesn’t want to let go, _can’t_ let go. He keeps hugging Mitch and he ignores the look the security guy gives them as he gestures for them to hurry things along.

 

It’s not until Auston’s sure that he’ll miss his flight if he stays any longer that he finally pulls away.

 

“If you want me to stay, I can call my family and explain,” Auston says, but he’s no longer sure if it’s Mitch that wants him to stay or Auston that can’t bring himself to leave. He just, he doesn’t want to leave Mitch. Not now, not _ever_.

 

“I’ll be okay,” Mitch says with a slight smile. “I’m okay.”

 

“It’s okay if you’re not,” Auston reminds him, even though they’ve talked a lot about this already.

 

“I know,” Mitch says, and Auston can tell he means it this time. “I’m really okay. My family will be with me over the holidays. I won’t be alone.” Auston nods and he leans over to give him another hug, squeezing him tightly before he pulls back all the way.

 

“I’ll be back soon.”

 

Mitch smiles. “I’ll be here.”

 

 

 

 

**Epilogue**

 

Mitch is waiting for Auston in the arrivals when he lands. His hair is gelled nicely and he’s dressed up for some reason in a pair of nice skinny jeans with a dark wool coat. He’s also holding a sign with Auston’s name on there. It’s got glitter and a smiley face where the “o” is. Auston laughs; he can’t help it. It’s so ridiculous, but it’s so _Mitch_. He loves it.

 

Mitch’s smile practically splits his face when he sees Auston. He opens up his arms and it’s too easy for Auston to gather him up into a big hug, lifting him right off his feet until he’s laughing beautifully into Auston’s ears. He missed the sound of Mitch’s laughter _so_ much. It just doesn’t sound the same through the phone the way it does in person, the way it makes Auston’s chest feel warm and full until he’s about to burst with it.

 

“I missed you too,” Mitch says with another laugh, and when Auston drops him back onto solid ground, Mitch surprises him by kissing him softly on the lips.

 

Auston is stunned.

 

Mitch pulls back and he doesn’t look shy or uncertain in the least. He just, well, he looks like Mitch, the one that’s always so certain about himself and who he is and what he wants. He’s smiling and looking at Auston so intensely, like he can’t look away even if he tried.

 

“What was that for?” Auston asks. He tries to fight the blistering hope that’s spiralling out of control inside of him right now. 

 

“I wanted to,” Mitch says simply. “I’ve wanted to for so long.”

 

Auston has too, and he tries to remember all the reasons why this would be a bad idea, why Auston never wanted to risk it, but in the face of Mitch looking so loose and happy, Auston comes up empty. He can’t remember why he thought it’d be risky when in the span of such a short time, Mitch has easily become one of the most important people in his life. He fits so seamlessly into every facet of Auston’s life. He’s everything Auston’s ever wanted, and he doesn’t know why he ever thought it would be enough to not have it all.

 

Auston doesn’t want to wait any longer either.

 

“Me too,” Auston finally admits. “It feels like I’ve been in love with your forever.”

 

Mitch’s smile softens, this tender little thing that squeezes something in Auston’s chest. “I love you too. I don’t want to waste any more time worried about this fucking us up. I want us to be _us_ , just you and me.”

 

“I want that too,” Auston says softly. He’s wanted it for so long that he can’t even think of a time he’s been with Mitch where he _hasn’t_ wanted to be as close to him as possible, to hoard all the affection he so readily imparts on everyone.

 

“New year, new us.”

 

Auston smiles, and this time, he’s the one moving forward to kiss Mitch.

 

New year, new _them_.

**Author's Note:**

> **Detailed warnings:**
> 
>  
> 
> JT is Mitch's TA in this story. They build a close relationship, one that Mitch sees as a brotherly-type relationship where he looks up to JT and really trusts him. He shares everything with him, asks for advice for everything from personal relationships to career choices. JT takes advantage of that trust and coerces him into having sex with him (none of this is shown or talked about explicitly, and is only implied in the story). Mitch chooses to not report it, even after he recovers from the incident. JT is never shown to have been punished for his actions.


End file.
